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End of a Chapter: Reflections

The Seven pointed star Number 5 and 7, Hilma Af Klint

A lot has happened; I have finally graduated - my graduation ball which was my last school commitment was last night – I turned 18, Alex and I celebrated two years, and I am officially on my gap ‘year’ (9 months, if all goes according to plan).

Obviously this comes with a lot of change, on a day to day level I no longer have school and therefore have a lot more free time. On a larger scale, I am moving onto my final phase of education, I am moving away from my home country, and am finally able to invest all my energy and time into the things I truly love.

The last one obviously being the one I’m most excited about.

It seems like only a while ago that I was dreaming of leaving high school and impatiently waiting till I could ‘begin living’. I find now that I have indeed lived, even if I did only JUST graduate (sorry young Agnese). Because of this mentality that life didn’t begin till I finished high school I methodically planned my entire life out, and found (not surprisingly) that it hasn’t gone exactly to plan. And that’s okay, in fact I think I’ve learnt that accepting life as it comes is good (though I will always be a planner).

I ALSO used to think that people who preached positivity were optimists, lacked a realistic mindset, and were shallow. Once again I find myself reflecting on my past misconceptions in life, as I’m sure we all do, and as I know I will again in the future, and can see where I was wrong. Life has, as it always will, thrown some intense things my way. I have worked hard focusing on stripping away the negative and judgmental way I approached the world, so that my ideals and behaviour truly aligned. And, I am happy to say, I think I am well on the way with that journey. Even now as I write this I am in fear of the judgement that comes with a young person commenting on the experience of life, but here we are.

I realise now that my previous perception of what a positive life is was so far from correct. Just because one is positive doesn’t mean that one doesn’t experience the negative too. To me, living positively is an approach, an energy that attracts what I give out to the world. I care about my surroundings and the beautiful place we live in, I care about the people around me and the people in this world, and ultimately I care about myself. I am beginning to love living, and though I find it difficult to write I will not be embarrassed of saying it. It doesn’t make one a bad person to strive to enjoy life and make the best of it all.

If I’ve learnt anything in my time on this earth, it is that being happy is not only focusing on the positive, but rather being able to love and accept both the positive and the negative. The joy of living, in ways, is that it is both incredibly complex and yet utterly simple. It is not black and white. And contrary to our name, it is not simple. It therefore is not all positive, and wouldn’t be life if it was. But that is the beauty of it, and I cannot wait to learn, make mistakes, love, hate, laugh, and cry and hopefully come to the end of my life being able to say “ I’ve lived”.

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